I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Let's paint friendship bongs
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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