i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
