Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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