on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
