when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
