i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
