My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
