i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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