Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just pee around me
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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