You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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