It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
