just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
