so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
