Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
