I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
