my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
