I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
BRING THE BAGELS
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
