i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
