I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
