Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
