The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
