i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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