So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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