What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
