We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
