all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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