Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
