Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
