Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
