That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
