We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
