I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
