Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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