am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
