My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
