My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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