I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
