I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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