Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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