My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
