if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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