went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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