He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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