im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
