I'm jealous of your bromance
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
