I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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