i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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