I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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