i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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