The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I FOUND THE LEGS
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i think im in europe. pls send help
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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