rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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