He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
