after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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