I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
me + whiskey = a bad person
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
